0Happy 32 weeks to us!  Man, have these past few weeks been challenging.  I’m still struggling with bronchitis but (knock on wood) my symptoms seem to be getting better.  I realize this has been the topic of my last few post so I will try not to bore you another post about my chest infection.  I do, however, have a few things to say about this experience and what I have gained from it…

Yesterday, I decided I could not, not sweat for one more day.  I NEEDED to workout or I was going to slip slip slip into a depressive state of being.  Still coughing, still congested, I walked 3 miles on the treadmill and then did a very modified agility class, burying my face in a rag every time I hacked so as not to infect anyone.

Last night, I was sore.  My upper back continued to be tight from coughing and my lower back/pelvic area was sore from working out.  One of my childhood friends, Beth, is in her 4th year of Osteopathic Medicine and happens to be doing a rotation at the hospital down the road from us.  She came over last night after work and treated me with Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine (OMM).  Her touch was healing to my body and her company was medicine to my soul.  I fell asleep after a 10 minute meditation session my friend Julie shared with me.

This morning, when my alarm clock went off, I’m pretty sure I was drooling and I all I wanted to do was stay in my warm bed, next to my warm husband.  I managed to get myself up and moving.  I got my tea made and did my 20 minutes of morning yoga.  As I was laying in shivasina, I had this realization, “This bronchitis has most likely taken running much more in this pregnancy off the table…” BOOM.  It was like a bomb.  I was nearly crying.  Running is what I do.  It is my number one coping strategy and now this piece of shit virus had robbed me of it.  Its not that I don’t think my lungs will heal, its just that while taking the time off to allow them to heal, my body changed a lot and I can’t just pick back up where I left off.  Where I left off is long gone.

I could have let this thought drag me into the depths of despair…but I didn’t (okay, maybe for a few minutes I did, I AM human after all).  Actually, what I’m realizing, is that every moment in a chance to not let this depress me.  Today, I combated negative thinking by concentrating on all the things my body is capable of–before, during, and post pregnancy.  I walked 3 miles pushing the girls in the stroller and I swam for 45 minutes this evening.  I combated negative, ho-hum thinking with positive affirming thoughts.  I remembered all the incredible things my body is able to do–from climbing mountains, surviving in the wilderness, cycling 100 miles, growing a baby…growing a baby…now that’s somethin’ isn’t it?  While my mind is quick to think how great it is to run run run, I tend to forget how incredible what I’m doing right now is–in 8 weeks I’m going to push a human life into this world.  A life that Josh and I made because of our Creators amazing design.  A life that I fostered and sustained inside of me.  I have the rest of my life to run ultras…I have right now to be pregnant with this little boy.    But just so I don’t forget what my body can do, pregnancy included, I’m holding these victories close…

Summiting Mt. Rainier

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Running 56 miles in 9 hours and 18 minutes

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Surviving a night in South Africa’s mountains in the winter…in jeans and a long sleeve shirt (bbbrrrr…and yikes)

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6 pack abs

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Yoga

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Growing a baby

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Climbing Rocks

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Racing, and racing well, for the first half of pregnancy

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caring for two precious little girls 8 hours a day

ImageYes, this might have seemed a little like a brag session…look at me! look at me!  But after a seriously tough couple of weeks when just getting out of bed took all my energy, reminding myself how incredible my body (read, the human body) is was just necessary.  We are all capable of amazing amazing things.  Wherever you are at in your body, embrace it and then start moving forward.

Going to Battle with Demons–32 weeks pregnant, 3 weeks of bronchitis


Listening to illness

I’m still coughing like a chain smoker.  Maybe worse.  I saw my midwife on Thursday and her analysis was, “You are not well…I can see you are not well.”  Why thank you for your medical expertise!  Going on day 9 of a body wrenching, oxygen robbing, get this shit out of my F!$#ing chest right now type of cough, I’m beginning to feel very discouraged and quite blue.  Sure, its horrible that I’m not able to run (just moving around the house feels like a workout for my heart and lungs) but what’s more upsetting is that every cough/cough attack takes so much out of me.

Despite feeling so sick and blue, I’ve been mustering up the strength for a few minutes of yoga each day to calm my mind and provide some relief for my over worked core (from all the coughs).  The other morning while I was siting in child’s pose, literally saying the F word to the bug that is making me want to cut my chest open and scrape out all the gunk, I had this thought, “What is this illness trying to teach me?”

Am I still pissed off that I’m sick? Yes.  Do I not fantasize about feeling better, going for a run, and sleeping without the disturbance of cough attacks?  Heck yes.  But after my appointment on Thursday, in which I hadn’t put of the couple pounds expected and I was measuring just a little small (I’d been spot on since the beginning)I realized that I needed to listen to this cough.  Running, while it is medicine for my soul, will have to wait.  My body is expending enough energy trying to heal, I need to rest and allow it to do its thing.  This took a lot of pressure off.  Phew, I don’t have to beat myself up for not running/working out when I’m sick.  I don’t have to feel guilty for staying in bed most of Saturday and Sunday!

Being sick is horrible but listening to your body and giving it what it needs is the most liberating experience one could ask for!