Listening to illness

I’m still coughing like a chain smoker.  Maybe worse.  I saw my midwife on Thursday and her analysis was, “You are not well…I can see you are not well.”  Why thank you for your medical expertise!  Going on day 9 of a body wrenching, oxygen robbing, get this shit out of my F!$#ing chest right now type of cough, I’m beginning to feel very discouraged and quite blue.  Sure, its horrible that I’m not able to run (just moving around the house feels like a workout for my heart and lungs) but what’s more upsetting is that every cough/cough attack takes so much out of me.

Despite feeling so sick and blue, I’ve been mustering up the strength for a few minutes of yoga each day to calm my mind and provide some relief for my over worked core (from all the coughs).  The other morning while I was siting in child’s pose, literally saying the F word to the bug that is making me want to cut my chest open and scrape out all the gunk, I had this thought, “What is this illness trying to teach me?”

Am I still pissed off that I’m sick? Yes.  Do I not fantasize about feeling better, going for a run, and sleeping without the disturbance of cough attacks?  Heck yes.  But after my appointment on Thursday, in which I hadn’t put of the couple pounds expected and I was measuring just a little small (I’d been spot on since the beginning)I realized that I needed to listen to this cough.  Running, while it is medicine for my soul, will have to wait.  My body is expending enough energy trying to heal, I need to rest and allow it to do its thing.  This took a lot of pressure off.  Phew, I don’t have to beat myself up for not running/working out when I’m sick.  I don’t have to feel guilty for staying in bed most of Saturday and Sunday!

Being sick is horrible but listening to your body and giving it what it needs is the most liberating experience one could ask for!


5 thoughts on “Listening to illness

  1. Julie Wiley

    My trainer at the YMCA has the same thing only it’s been a month. This last week, she went to doctor and found out that the dang virus developed an infection in her lungs and she had to go on anti-biotics and she is still coughing. Some viruses are just nasty.

    • mjorgey

      Oh my gosh. I won’t last a month! My midwife put my on antibiotics just in case–its easy for preggos to get pneumonia which can be really scary for mama and baby. Today’s my last course of them. I’m not sure it worked. I was on all fours crying last night–which does not help me breath! Thanks to Josh for rubbing my back a little and an okay nights sleep.

      • Shawn Dickson

        I hope it doesn’t laast a month…DO warm baths with eucalyptus bath oil help? Megan told me about the benefits of eucalyptus bath oil – it is relaxing and the smell helps your head also…

        Last night – someplace between wake and sleep (I am not sure where one ends and the other begins anymore) I named my atti Dude “Chuck”. That is because he has to “chuck” out so much of my negative attitude. I visualized him in the barn in his muck boots and shovel getting rid of all of the “s***” I produce that is counterproductive to a healthy life. Then I realized, I could call him “Chuck”, but he is really a part of me, as no one can “Chuck” the negative out of their life but them themself. I can ask someone for a better shovel, but ultimately I am the one who needs to clean my own barn!

        What goes on in my brain when I sleep is very strange…….



  2. Shawn Dickson

    Recently, after spending many months fighting with my body, I have learned to say, “what am I supposed to learn from this?”. And guess what? I have started to identify all of the lessons I have learned and all of the blessings and gifts that have been bestowed upon me as a result of my physical situation. One of the lessons I have learned is that I am not in control of the world. there is definitely a higher being who is in control. Yet, while we do not have control of our lives (and guess what – everyone else’s in the world as well) we do have choice. I have choice over my reaction to and attidude towards the situation I find myself in.

    Just noticed my typo above (increased typos are another gift I have been given). attiDudes. Don’t you love that! I can choose my “atti-Dude”. I could probably name my “dude” if I wanted to!

    Love you…….Hope you do feel better soon.

    • mjorgey

      Yes, so much to be learned! This bout of bronchitis has also reminded me that I’m not in control…while at the same time made me evaluate ways in which I can reduce my risk of getting it in the future. Also, being pregnant and not sick and pregnant has taught me more empathy for people who live with chronic pain and illness. Having back pain and/or feeling as though your chest is betraying you by closing up is an incredibly horrible feeling.

      Love your atti Dude. 🙂 You should name it 🙂

      Love ya too, Shawn! Thanks for the well wishes!

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