I’m still coughing like a chain smoker. Maybe worse. I saw my midwife on Thursday and her analysis was, “You are not well…I can see you are not well.” Why thank you for your medical expertise! Going on day 9 of a body wrenching, oxygen robbing, get this shit out of my F!$#ing chest right now type of cough, I’m beginning to feel very discouraged and quite blue. Sure, its horrible that I’m not able to run (just moving around the house feels like a workout for my heart and lungs) but what’s more upsetting is that every cough/cough attack takes so much out of me.
Despite feeling so sick and blue, I’ve been mustering up the strength for a few minutes of yoga each day to calm my mind and provide some relief for my over worked core (from all the coughs). The other morning while I was siting in child’s pose, literally saying the F word to the bug that is making me want to cut my chest open and scrape out all the gunk, I had this thought, “What is this illness trying to teach me?”
Am I still pissed off that I’m sick? Yes. Do I not fantasize about feeling better, going for a run, and sleeping without the disturbance of cough attacks? Heck yes. But after my appointment on Thursday, in which I hadn’t put of the couple pounds expected and I was measuring just a little small (I’d been spot on since the beginning)I realized that I needed to listen to this cough. Running, while it is medicine for my soul, will have to wait. My body is expending enough energy trying to heal, I need to rest and allow it to do its thing. This took a lot of pressure off. Phew, I don’t have to beat myself up for not running/working out when I’m sick. I don’t have to feel guilty for staying in bed most of Saturday and Sunday!
Being sick is horrible but listening to your body and giving it what it needs is the most liberating experience one could ask for!