I bought my Cape Town ticket this week!  It was scary.  Really scary.  There are about a million and one emotions associated with Cape Town.  On the one hand, it is a place of peace for me.  I feel at home squished between the mountain and the ocean or between two mama’s in a crowded minibus.  I LOVE sipping wine or roiboos with my friends. I get high on mountain runs and watching baboons munch in the trees.  It is my heaven in so many ways.

The last time I was in Cape Town, I was in a bit of an emotional conundrum.  It was a very intense time in my life. I left many material and non material things when I left, thinking I was going to be back soon.  Two months after leaving South Africa, I found out I was pregnant.  The last few years have been full of pregnancy and being a mama.  Its been wild.  Its been really wild.  And I’ve loved it.  I love being Leif’s mama more than anything.  The thing is though, to be Leif’s mama in the best way possible, I must also allow my heart to be full.  So, despite my anxiety of leaving my sweet boy for two weeks to fly across the world to South Africa, I know I need it.  I need to revisit some of the things I left there 3 years ago.  Maybe some I will take back for myself…and others I will just remember and leave them again with more of a healed heart.

I suppose this trip to Cape Town is a bit of a pilgrimage for me.  I am also vowing to make sure my next trip does not take so long to take.  I am in charge of my own destiny–if a visit to Cape Town every year or two keeps my soul fresh, then it is a small sacrifice to make spending a bit of money on a flight and kissing my family goodbye for a couple of weeks (or bringing them with me when the time is right).

This is where my heart settles in so peacefully and heave surrounds me.

This Moutain.